Jeremy Clarkson implies that we, who live in Johannesburg, are a bunch of fools. What’s with Joburgers? We moan about the crime, razor wire our homes, alarm our gardens… He, the car man, says things are not half bad here. ‘All warm and comfy’, he thinks.
“Honestly? Johannesburg is Milton Keynes with thunderstorms. You go out. You have a lovely ostrich. You drink some delicious wine and you walk back to your hotel, all warm and comfy. It’s the least frightening place on earth. So why does every single person there wrap themselves up in razor wire and fit their cars with flame-throwers and speak of how many times they’ve been killed that day? What are they trying to prove?”
The reason, he says, we tarnish our city is that we want to save the lions in Kruger Park from refugees - “At present, it’s estimated that there are 2,000 lions in the Kruger National Park and studies suggest 90% have feline Aids. Some vets suggest the epidemic was started by lions eating the lungs of diseased buffalos. But there are growing claims from experts in the field that, actually, refugees are the biggest problem.”
What a thumbsuck of a theory! Or is it a joke? A really bad one.
In case, you too had forgotten about crime in Joburg, go here to read the latest crime statistics for Gauteng.